1st Prenatal Visit

Stasha’s pregnancy was confirmed this morning and the first prenatal visit is behind us. Right now we have a due date of 11/05/2008. Today Stasha had all the lab work stuff done, her blood pressure, weight, etc… and of course that infinite list of questions they ask. I’ve found with the nurse in this office that you’re better off to keep it quick and easy because she seems to have no interest at all in the events that are unfolding. If we didn’t like the doctor so much and if we had another obvious choice we probably would not have gone with this doctor the second time around simply because of his nurse. She has no personality what so ever and she’s rather slack in my opinion but we all know what they say about opinions right?? We can’t fault Dr. C because of his nurse. He really is an awesome doctor.

Dr. C took a good deal of time talking to Stasha about what to expect the second time around and he stressed the importance of keeping herself on a healthy track since we know this will be a scheduled C-Section and we want her to be at the best physical condition she can be when that time comes for optimal recovery. He went over the do’s and don’ts … most of which I had forgotten then he told her to come back in next Friday and he would do her first sonogram to get a better idea of how far along she is. If we’re lucky she’ll be far enough along to be able to detect a heartbeat … if not he will follow up with another sonogram a week later.

One thing we have found out is that a local community college is always looking for volunteers to visit their radiology class for sonograms. They ask for a small donation of $5.00 to cover the cost of sono print paper. They will do them as often as she wants to visit. They seem to be really excited about having someone inquiring this early in a pregnancy about the sonogram program and the prospect of being able to follow this pregnancy through to delivery. It would be a great training experience for the techs. They have already asked to do one at 20 weeks for gender determination (they will only tell us if we want to know and of course we do!!) and then to do a 4D at 30 weeks.

Keep watching for updates!!

Family Knows and I’m Dealing as Best I Can

After a total breakdown during Church yesterday morning, a visit to the alter to lay my burden at the foot of the cross, and finally telling my Mama and my sister that Stasha is pregnant again, I’m looking brighter at the future. While I’m still not totally happy and excited about another bundle of joy I’m accepting the fact that God is not going to give us anything we can’t handle. He’s going to be there in time of need and he’s going to give us the strength we need to get through this.

Stasha has been pretty nauseated and extremely fatigued. More so than she was with Peyton. Another scary note is that even this early she has a little belly budge. Actually the little bit of lose skin from her previous pregnancy is already tight and solid. Why does this scare me you ask? Well … let me break down the family tree a bit here for ya …

1. My grandfather’s mother, on my mothers side of the family had 10 sets of twins in his family. Count it … 1, 2, 3, etc… These twins would have been his brothers/sisters had they survived. As it turns out only one set survived.

2. My grandfather then had a daughter, my aunt, who gave birth to a set of twins, unfortunately they were too small and did not make it. This set of twins is my generation.

3. My grandfather’s sister’s daughter, which would be my 2nd cousin, gave birth to twins who are now 18ish. These twins would have also been my generation.

4. The potential for twins born to my generation, thus far, appears to be the ‘skip’ year. Following the family tree enlightens me with the thought that my kids, aka Stasha, could very well be a generation for twins.

Now then … while you’re saying Yeah, but maybe not … let me throw another twist …

5. This new baby that’s just getting started … his father has a set of twin brothers and the history as I understand it for twins in his family is greater than it is in ours.

Just another thing this Nana has to worry about! Thank goodness I’m laughing. I honestly don’t think I could cry anymore. We see the doctor on Thursday and I feel pretty certain that since we are so early he will do the endovaginal sonogram to confirm the pregnancy and estimate a due date. I’m guessing around the end of October or first of November. NO … We are NOT having a Halloween baby!!! LOL

Watch for an update on Thursday.

When Random Thoughts Become Reality

I guess I should learn to stop having random thoughts huh? Right now I’m rather numb. I’m not sure if I want to laugh or cry, be excited or be depressed, be angry or be grateful … I’m just downright not sure how I want to feel or how I should feel. My previous random thoughts were confirmed … once last night and again this morning.

My daughter’s dad took her yesterday afternoon and bought the First Response Pregnancy Test. Not just any box of test but the box which contains TWO test … he wanted to be sure of the results. She took the first test before I got home then called me at work to let me know the test was positive. I was still in doubt until I got home and looked. Sure enough there is one bold pink line and a second really light, almost faint pink line. That second, I can just barely see it line, is the line that says YES, you are pregnant. My thought last night was that the second line was so faint it was in error and the test was actually a negative. I told her we would do the other test first thing this morning. At 7:15am we’re both standing in the bathroom waiting to see what lines showed up. That first bold pink line came up and then nothing … we waited … the instructions say to wait three minutes … we waited … by the start of minute three that really light, almost faint second pink line began to appear.

Part of me is saying “we’ve got a box of bogus, I’m going to play with your mind tests”. Another part of me is saying “I know it’s positive but I’m not going to believe it”. Yet another part of me is saying “both tests is positive and I’ve just got to accept it”. Deep inside a part of me, the part that is being unrealistic, is saying “I really am excited that another little baby is on the way”.

I’m guessing this blog will end up turning into the baby watch/baby update blog. I wish I knew how to update and create this stuff to make it more appropriate … I don’t … so I’ll just mumble through … it’s quiet alright anyway!

Stay tuned and any advice you wanna share please feel free to do so.

A Random Thought & Why

I absolutely love Lil Man with every ounce of my heart and soul.  He is the one thing that makes me anxious to wake up every morning and negligent to go to bed at a decent hour every night. He is the reason I let my housekeeping duties fall by the roadside. He is the reason I smile, giggle, laugh, and even the reason for digging to find that extra ounce of energy at the end of a long work day. Everything I endeavor to do or to even think about … I put Lil Man first. He’s like the most important thing in the world to me.  I never dreamed a precious baby boy would be the one that made me put my life in perspective and give up the things that were unnecessary and even damaging to decent, respectable life.

Now I’m a little concerned … Lil Man is a part of every breath I take. He’s my grandson … my only grandchild … and I’m not sure there’s room for another right now.  Does that sound selfish?  I’m not even sure there is going to be another grandchild but it was posed to me  a few days ago by one of my daughters that she may be pregnant. I’m not sure the concern is from having to share Nana time with a new baby or from having another baby in the house to raise. Lil Man is just past his first birthday and I’ve provided everything he has needed since before he was ever born.  His mama doesn’t work, she doesn’t go to school, and the biggest advantage I see from this is not having to put Lil Man in daycare right now.  Daycare availability in this area is very limited and would not be the best choice at this point in his or our lives. I believe his mama is in a lucky position to be able to stay home with him all day, every day, and take care of him without having to put him in an environment that would be less conducive to healthy and wise choices so providing 100% for him is not an issue that I need to deal with.  The issue I need to deal with is the possibility of having to do that with another baby.  I’m “40something” years old and I have raised my children. It’s time for them to move out and allow me to re-feather my nest minus kids. Its time for me to be able to take a week off, pack a bag, and head out on a road trip if I want to.  Its time for me to be able to go home and run naked through my house if I want to … its not time for take on raising yet another baby …

Am I being selfish?? or is my way of thinking right??

Thoughts on Valentine’s Day

I have watched today unfold from the confines of my office which includes three large windows that overlook the parking lot. Florist deliveries have come and gone throughout the day and although the normal work day hours are drawing to a close the florist are still coming and going. The call center floor looks very much like a full blown flower shop decorated with various colors of roses, balloons, and stuffed creatures. I’ve heard several co-workers commenting about their plans for this evening or for the weekend to celebrate the day for lovers. I have also heard some complaining because they have not received above mentioned items. I sit here in my office (which also has none of the above mentioned items) and find that I’m thankful my family members didn’t waste their money on flowers that will eventually wilt and die, balloons that will deflate and be tossed, and stuffed creatures that tend to clutter my room and collect dust. For me … a hug is so much more personal. Hearing someone say “I Love You” and know they mean it … and to hear it on a daily basis versus hearing it once a year means so much more to me than something material that will be only a fleeting thought a few days from now. One day a year dedicated to love!! I do remember when I thought Valentine’s Day should be celebrated in grand style but as I’ve gotten older and ‘things’ have happened in my life which allowed me to value life so much more I find that all of the material things used to celebrate days like today are trivial in comparison to the value of telling someone, or having someone tell you those three famous words “I Love You” and to know they truly mean what they are saying.

Do you agree … or am I being a Valentine’s Day prude? Share your thoughts!

Sharing some Blog Love

Heather over at OMSHville is putting on a contest! The winner will receive anything of $40.00 value or less from the way cool Etsy shop called Allison Strine Designs.  All you have to do is share some blog love then link back to her blog to enter. Visit her blog for full details … it really is easy to enter and it’s fun to be able to share some love for the blogs you enjoy visiting.

Now for my who and whys:

First of all I refuse to choose a favorite. I have several that I read on a daily basis and some (OMSH for instance) that I visit multiple times during the course of my day. Why this particular blog? Heather’s blog is creative, informative, funny, and it’s down right ‘down to earth’. She shares her views and/or points of interest and she easy to understand. You can feel the love she has for her family and for life simply by visiting and reading what she has to say. Not to mention that her children are beautiful!

Another blog I visit on a daily basis is Bethany actually. Bethany’s blog, much like Heather’s is easy to follow, fun to ready, and who wouldn’t love keeping up with the daily activity of little Annalie. I’ve also picked up some awesome craft ideas (the cards are excellent) that I’m hoping to be able to use during Vacation Bible School this summer. You can also see or feel the love Bethany has for her family and friends. Again … who wouldn’t want to keep up with Annalie!! She’s absolutely adorable!

My newest blog love is Mandajuice. I followed a link from some other blog to her site but I’m not sure where. The leading post on her blog the day I found it was her first entry about her experience with Gastric Bypass Surgery. I was anxious to read that entry and immediately bookmarked her blog so I could keep up with her entries about her surgery. I’m considering having the same surgery and being able to read about someone else experience helps me decide if this may be right for me. It’s been informative to read how she managed recovery and the lifestyle changes. Again with Mandajuice she mixes her daily life events with the love of her family to create a fun to read blog.

I don’t want to turn this post into a blogroll of all the blogs I read so I’m going to mention one more that I found by chance. I’m not 100% sure what first caught my eye with this blog but it’s one of those where I ended up going back to the oldest post and reading from Day 1 so to speak. Since I never had a problem with infertility I never realized everything that women who do have problems go through to conceive a child. The lady who opened my eyes is Julie. I believe I first caught her blog from something another blogger had linked back to involving the birth of Julie’s son. From that post I went forward and backward for details and WHEW what she has been through … and to still have a sense of humor. Julie presents herself as a woman who has been through hell and back again trying not only to conceive but to ‘keep’ a pregnancy. Her last attempt with IVF has been successful so reading now is keeping informed about how the pregnancy is going while saying a silent prayer that everything will go well for her and her family.

For all those other blogs that I read (most on a daily basis) I’m sending you blog love as well … if your blog wasn’t interesting, informative, and exciting enough to keep up with … well you wouldn’t be a part of my bookmarks **wink**!

He was a good man and he will be missed

Papaw Lloyd

My girls called him Paw Lloyd although he wasn’t really their Papaw. My niece called him Papaw because that’s what he was to her. My brother-n-law, Dean, called him Daddy. He worked hard to raise his kids, he gave them a good home and a good start in life. Dean never really left home. When he and my sister were married they set up housekeeping in the basement of the home that Dean had always called home, his Daddy’s home. That’s where Dean and my sister have lived for 26+ years.

When Lloyd got older and as his health began to fail a role reversal took place. Lloyd suffered from COPD and struggled for every breath. He used oxygen that he could not be without for even short periods of time. Dean and Glenda became the caregivers. They were the ones to treat the sickness and feed the hungry. Meals were provided, medical attention given, just down right love and attention that an aging parent needs was always readily given by both Dean and Glenda. Every morning before taking off for the day Dean would head up the stairs to check on his dad, take him breakfast, and make sure he had taken his morning medicine with a gentle reminder that lunch would be delivered and to take his midday meds. Every night concluded with Dean taking his Daddy dinner and visiting for a while to keep his Daddy from being lonely. Just a few minutes of attention and chat was all Lloyd wanted. He loved to talk … to anyone … regardless of the topic … Lloyd wanted to talk. Sometimes serious … Sometimes funny … but always conversation. If for some reason Dean was gone for a few days he always made arrangements for someone to check on his Daddy and he would call him several times throughout the day to make sure he had everything he needed and was doing OK.

In following his regular routine Dean woke up yesterday morning, showered, got dressed, had breakfast and headed upstairs to take breakfast to his Daddy and check in before leaving for Church. That would be the last time Dean followed this routine. He found his Daddy laying in the bathroom floor, still and quiet, no longer struggling to breath, no longer suffering from a disease that had destroyed any resemblance of a normal life. Lloyd had gotten up sometime during the night or early morning to go to the bathroom and the Lord saw fit to call out his name …

I ‘d like to think that Lloyd is walking the streets of gold today and that he is no longer suffering but I find with heavy heart that while Lloyd was a good man and a great father I’m not sure where he was in his walk with God. I feel burdened by this and while I know there is nothing anyone can do and no amount of prayer can save a soul that may have died in sin … I’m struggling because I just can’t be sure that Lloyd is with the Lord now. I think back at all of the times I’ve had when I could have witnessed to Lloyd and just asked him where he stood with God … but I took those times for granted … as a result I’ll never know … I’ll never know where Lloyd and God stood. I pray he was in the right place with God … but until my death … I’ll never know.

***

Edited to add:

Yesterday in a peaceful funeral we said goodbye to Lloyd. During the service the minister, Reverend Dendy, shared with us many of the things he and Lloyd had shared over the years. They grew up together, went to school together, worked together, and were in general just good friends.  Reverend Dendy shared with us the last visit he had with Lloyd. This visit was just days before Lloyd passed away.  During that visit he had the opportunity to ask Lloyd where he stood with God and if he was certain where he would spend eternity.  Lloyd confirmed that he was ready to meet the Lord and knew he would spend eternity in Heaven. I noticed briefly that several people in attendance at the service quickly looked in question at each other when Reverend Dendy made this statement. To their wondering look, which he also noticed, he made one statement … he said “For those of you who may not believe that Lloyd was ready to meet the Lord, let me assure you he was because one thing I’ve learned is that a dying man don’t lie and when Lloyd said he was ready to go he was also sure he was ready to meet the Lord”

I feel at ease now … Lloyd is rejoicing on  the streets of Heaven today. He’s been reunited with his mother, his daddy, and his brothers that went on before him. He is at peace and best of all … he’s not suffering anymore.

If you’re not sure where you stand with God please don’t waste another day wondering … take care of settling your affairs with God and be on that path to Heaven.

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