A Random Thought & Why

I absolutely love Lil Man with every ounce of my heart and soul.  He is the one thing that makes me anxious to wake up every morning and negligent to go to bed at a decent hour every night. He is the reason I let my housekeeping duties fall by the roadside. He is the reason I smile, giggle, laugh, and even the reason for digging to find that extra ounce of energy at the end of a long work day. Everything I endeavor to do or to even think about … I put Lil Man first. He’s like the most important thing in the world to me.  I never dreamed a precious baby boy would be the one that made me put my life in perspective and give up the things that were unnecessary and even damaging to decent, respectable life.

Now I’m a little concerned … Lil Man is a part of every breath I take. He’s my grandson … my only grandchild … and I’m not sure there’s room for another right now.  Does that sound selfish?  I’m not even sure there is going to be another grandchild but it was posed to me  a few days ago by one of my daughters that she may be pregnant. I’m not sure the concern is from having to share Nana time with a new baby or from having another baby in the house to raise. Lil Man is just past his first birthday and I’ve provided everything he has needed since before he was ever born.  His mama doesn’t work, she doesn’t go to school, and the biggest advantage I see from this is not having to put Lil Man in daycare right now.  Daycare availability in this area is very limited and would not be the best choice at this point in his or our lives. I believe his mama is in a lucky position to be able to stay home with him all day, every day, and take care of him without having to put him in an environment that would be less conducive to healthy and wise choices so providing 100% for him is not an issue that I need to deal with.  The issue I need to deal with is the possibility of having to do that with another baby.  I’m “40something” years old and I have raised my children. It’s time for them to move out and allow me to re-feather my nest minus kids. Its time for me to be able to take a week off, pack a bag, and head out on a road trip if I want to.  Its time for me to be able to go home and run naked through my house if I want to … its not time for take on raising yet another baby …

Am I being selfish?? or is my way of thinking right??

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