Mama, There is a Big Bright Star in the Sky …

And I know that’s my baby up in Heaven.

That is what Stasha said to me after sitting on the balcony for a few minutes last night. While she had a smile on her face you could see the sadness in her eyes and you could hear her precious heart cry out in pain. I want so much to take away her pain but all I can do is share in that pain and cry with her.

Friday … April 18, 2008, will forever be a day that is etched in our memory. Friday was a day that started like any other. Everyone was up, moving about, happy and healthy. Stasha and Lil Man had spent the day with her mamaw (my mama). It is so seldom the three of them get to spend any time together so they just spent the day laying around and enjoying each other’s company. By the time Stasha’s dad got off work Friday afternoon she was ready to go home so he went to Mama’s to pick her up. He needed to stop at Wal-Mart so she decided her and Lil Man would go with him. Her dad and Peyton took off to the hunting section and Stasha made a quick trip to the bathroom.

I was at the office and my cell phone rang … 4:26 in the afternoon … Stasha was screaming and I could tell she was VERY upset. I talked her through calming down and she told me she needed to go to the hospital. She said she was bleeding. Since Stasha had experienced some spotting early in her pregnancy with Lil Man and also because she is very prone to urinary tract infections and some bleeding from that I wasn’t really worried and told her I would meet her at the ER. Unfortunately her OB was out of town Friday so we couldn’t just go to his office.

When her dad got to the ER with her she looked really pale and I could tell this was different. I knew there was more going on than the spotting or another UTI. We went to the Women’s Unit where we had been instructed to go when I called the OB office. They started the usual routine and asked Stasha to change into a gown and give them a urine sample. She went into the bathroom and then she screamed out for me. I went to the bathroom and …. ….

I knew then and you could see the fear in her eyes …

Several hours and a DNC later we were home … sad … hurting … lost for words … in shock … today it still hurts … people call to ask if we are ok … we say yes … but we’re not ok …

Lil Peanut … we know you are in Heaven and YES … we know that big bright star in the sky is you … we don’t understand why you were taken from us … but we know that God is going to take very good care of you until we can come be with you someday … YES, we will tell Lil Man about you … and YES we will always remember you and love you … We know when God sends us a Guardian Angel that it will be you …


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rhi
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 09:45:11

    I’m sending my prayers your way today. I went through this when I was 24 or so and I still think about the baby that could have been. But, I know that he or she wasn’t ready to come to live in this world.


  2. SmokeyJ
    May 01, 2008 @ 04:00:38

    I haven’t checked my yahoo in a couple of weeks and I just saw the news about Stasha. It just broke my heart to see that. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and if there is anything I can do please let me know. Loev ya-J

  3. Trackback: Something’s Bothering Me « LindaBelle’s Mindless Clutter

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