In my last couple of posts I have eluded to a new journey in this life I call “mine”. Today I began that journey. It started with a drive over to Asheville, NC and my initial visit with the Mission Weight Management Center. It has been a long road to get to this point but I’ve finally made the decision that regular diet is not working and will never work for me. Does that make me a failure? NO … by no means am I a failure and by no means am I taking the easy way out.
I have struggled with my weight all of my life. As far back as I can ever remember I have been overweight. I don’t even like looking at picture of me when I was a little girl because I never fit in. I was always the largest one in my class, even at my high school graduation I was larger than anyone else who crossed the stage to receive their diploma. My graduation gown, the largest size you could order, just barely fit around me.
Not long after finishing high school I attacked my weight and managed to lose about 60 pounds. I was smaller than I had been in years, was confident in myself, and actually enjoyed doing the things girls enjoy doing. I wasn’t ashamed to go out in public wearing shorts or a bathing suit. I was comfortable! I managed to keep the weight off for about two years … up to when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter. I packed on the weight while I was pregnant. I knew gaining all that weight was a mistake but my way of thinking was “You’ve lost it once, you can do it again” so I ate … for two … and grew … and grew … and grew … you get the picture. The night I went into labor I had gained 59lbs and was miserably huge.
Next mistake … I didn’t lose that pregnancy weight. I continued to gain weight. I took the negative road of saying I don’t have time to exercise because I have a baby to care for and I’ll start that diet tomorrow because I have a family to feed today. My weight spiraled out of control over the next 3 years. I woke up one morning and decided I’d had enough. I went back to a self made diet and saw the weight begin to fall off. I hit just over 20 pounds and BAM … I found out I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. Determined not to gain another 59 pounds with this pregnancy I made wiser decisions about what I ate and the amount I ate. The day my daughter was born I had only gained 24 pounds and the day we came home from the hospital I had lost 19 of that 24 pounds gained. By my six week checkup I had lost the remaining five pounds plus about 10 more. I had weight loss success on the brain and did pretty well with losing and keeping it off until we received an unexpected diagnosis with my new precious baby girl when she was about 6 months old. This unexpected news threw me into an eating frenzy. All I wanted to do was find comfort and I did that by eating. My weight once again spiraled out of control.
I could go on forever with the ups and downs of my attempts to lose weight and my success only to see those successes doused with failures for various reasons.
I am an emotional eater … I like food … I love to cook AND I love to eat. I find comfort in cooking and in feeding both myself and others. Unfortunately my love for food and my use of food for comfort has taken me to a not so healthy place in life. I’m obese. Actually … I’m morbidly obese and my health is starting to shown signs of being morbidly obese. I never dreamed I would want to share this much information but I believe this will be a cleansing experience for me …
I plan to journal my weight loss treatment and to keep this journal open for anyone who may wish to follow. Soon I will post the stats from my initial visit. I will share with you how this weight is affecting my everyday life. I will post a recent photo so I too will be able to look back someday and see where I started and be able to compare that to where I am at that point. I’m not happy or proud of who I am today … I’m unhappy and I’m unhealthy. I have way too much to live for to continue the path I have been on for so many years. I’m ready to attack my morbid obesity and be successful in doing so.
Today I begin my journey to Laparoscopic Roux-en-Y Gastic Bypass Surgery. I hope you will take this journey with me …